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I met with John Watson to find out what he knew about me, and to collect some information I agreed on with Tony. He refused to tell me everything I wanted to know, so I attacked him.
[He's keeping it brief, not shying away from what he did. He knows he did a terrible thing here.]
I broke his nose, I sliced a tendon in his leg, and I strangled him until he passed out. I tied him to a chair and questioned him.
[He's keeping it brief, not shying away from what he did. He knows he did a terrible thing here.]
I broke his nose, I sliced a tendon in his leg, and I strangled him until he passed out. I tied him to a chair and questioned him.
[He's scared. Scared and confused and he can't trust his own head any longer. The whispers of the shadows, and the paranoia that just keeps mounting, death and possible programming, and the betrayal of a friend. Everything just piled up and snapped, but it's just an excuse. A flimsy excuse that he won't give.]
I don't know, I crossed a line.
I don't know, I crossed a line.
He had information I wanted.
[It's such a pitiful explanation. The business-like tone cracks a little.]
I don't know what happened. I was so angry with him for lying to me, and I promised to get this information, and I just-- crossed the line. I said I didn't want to hurt him, and then I did it anyway.
[It's such a pitiful explanation. The business-like tone cracks a little.]
I don't know what happened. I was so angry with him for lying to me, and I promised to get this information, and I just-- crossed the line. I said I didn't want to hurt him, and then I did it anyway.
The aquarium.
[He doesn't even try and defend his choices here, he knows he made the wrong ones. He hesitates, but he can't risk it any more. He called for a purpose, he needs her.]
I really messed up, I did something unforgivable. But I need your help. [A pause, more quietly:] Please.
[He doesn't even try and defend his choices here, he knows he made the wrong ones. He hesitates, but he can't risk it any more. He called for a purpose, he needs her.]
I really messed up, I did something unforgivable. But I need your help. [A pause, more quietly:] Please.
I'm not going to turn you away just because you screwed up.
[Even if she's angry. He's admitting it and asking for her help, which is what she needs to focus on.]
We're at the entrance to Kesara's tunnels. It will take us a while to reach you even if you head north, but we'll move as quickly as we can.
[Even if she's angry. He's admitting it and asking for her help, which is what she needs to focus on.]
We're at the entrance to Kesara's tunnels. It will take us a while to reach you even if you head north, but we'll move as quickly as we can.
[Damn, that's a long way away, almost the complete opposite end of town. He's silent for a second or two.]
I'm not sure how fast I'll be able to move north. He's still going to help with my frostbite. [The guilt is palpable in his voice there.] The arm will have to come off, parts of my shoulder too, I won't be able to move fast.
I'm not sure how fast I'll be able to move north. He's still going to help with my frostbite. [The guilt is palpable in his voice there.] The arm will have to come off, parts of my shoulder too, I won't be able to move fast.
[God, Bucky. That only makes her more frustrated somehow.]
Have I ever told you you're one of the most stubborn men I've ever met? In both incarnations?
[If he'd just listened to her, maybe his frostbite wouldn't have gotten so bad, and maybe he would have been with them and she could have stopped him from hurting Watson. Still, on some level, she knows it isn't really going to help to yell at him, so she pulls it back.]
I'm sorry. About your arm. We'll get to you as quickly as we can.
Have I ever told you you're one of the most stubborn men I've ever met? In both incarnations?
[If he'd just listened to her, maybe his frostbite wouldn't have gotten so bad, and maybe he would have been with them and she could have stopped him from hurting Watson. Still, on some level, she knows it isn't really going to help to yell at him, so she pulls it back.]
I'm sorry. About your arm. We'll get to you as quickly as we can.
Thank you.
[It's all he needs to say, really. He doesn't need the sympathy for his arm, nor does he need her to tell him how badly he's screwed this up. When Steve returns, because he will return, he's going to be so disappointed.
Bucky wants to say more, but he can't seem to find the words, so he just hovers over the button to hang up.]
--I'm really sorry. [So sorry.] Goodbye, Natasha.
[It's all he needs to say, really. He doesn't need the sympathy for his arm, nor does he need her to tell him how badly he's screwed this up. When Steve returns, because he will return, he's going to be so disappointed.
Bucky wants to say more, but he can't seem to find the words, so he just hovers over the button to hang up.]
--I'm really sorry. [So sorry.] Goodbye, Natasha.
[Now she's being so kind to him as well, even after what he's done.
He's not sure he's worth this. But he'll accept the help, because he doesn't want to make this kind of mistake again. And he'll accept the consequences of what he's done, he won't try and hide it or pretend nothing happened.
But his throat feels sort of tight and he finds he can't really reply to her, so he just ends the call and hopefully she'll understand.]
He's not sure he's worth this. But he'll accept the help, because he doesn't want to make this kind of mistake again. And he'll accept the consequences of what he's done, he won't try and hide it or pretend nothing happened.
But his throat feels sort of tight and he finds he can't really reply to her, so he just ends the call and hopefully she'll understand.]
[ Oh, Natasha.
Clint turns over again and this time, he octopus clings to her - just curls all up around her and hugs her tightly. It makes him feel better and he can't imagine it makes her feel worse, so. Things have kind of gone to shit, but it's okay. Clint can just push it all under the carpet and deal with it once it's blown up in his face like normal. He kind of needs Natasha to know she has someone she can rely on.
He rests his head against her shoulder. ]
I know. [ Squeeze. ] I don't know what to do about all of this but we'll figure it out.
Clint turns over again and this time, he octopus clings to her - just curls all up around her and hugs her tightly. It makes him feel better and he can't imagine it makes her feel worse, so. Things have kind of gone to shit, but it's okay. Clint can just push it all under the carpet and deal with it once it's blown up in his face like normal. He kind of needs Natasha to know she has someone she can rely on.
He rests his head against her shoulder. ]
I know. [ Squeeze. ] I don't know what to do about all of this but we'll figure it out.
[It makes her feel better, too. And she knows she can rely on him. She's always been able to, even when she doesn't deserve it. Natasha exhales slowly, turning so she can wrap an arm around him and squeeze tight.]
We always do.
[Mostly. It's nice to have him here, at least. He's one of the few people she feels like she can trust without question, and one of the few friends she lets herself be completely vulnerable around. He's seen her at her worst, after all, and he knows all of the messy details of her past. Well, mostly. She wishes he didn't have to deal with this, but she's glad she has him, too.]
Are you alright?
We always do.
[Mostly. It's nice to have him here, at least. He's one of the few people she feels like she can trust without question, and one of the few friends she lets herself be completely vulnerable around. He's seen her at her worst, after all, and he knows all of the messy details of her past. Well, mostly. She wishes he didn't have to deal with this, but she's glad she has him, too.]
Are you alright?
Yeah. [ Being able to actually hug her helps immensely. Already he's easing up, almost sleepy. He's always had a hard time dealing with things on his own. Natasha makes it easier. Tony makes it easier. ]
I'm okay. Just don't go anywhere. [ He sighs. ] I can handle this place as long as I've got you and Tony, I think.
I'm okay. Just don't go anywhere. [ He sighs. ] I can handle this place as long as I've got you and Tony, I think.
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